If There is a God, She Digs Pearl Jam
Reflecting on the secular music shame of evangelical Christianity.
Whenever I attend a secular concert, which is a lot, there is always a moment when I think, “Wow, the religion of my youth told me this is evil.” I chuckle to myself as I scan the crowd collectively celebrating human creativity. I giggle at the absurdity of the indoctrination I received against any music that wasn’t Christian. However, for many years, especially in my teens and 20s, I felt guilt and shame because of the music I loved.
I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t like worship music. Hymns were like nails on a chalkboard, the same way country music or death metal is to me. I despised Christian rock, except Tenth Avenue North, which I used to listen to on repeat believing that “God” was pleased with me for liking a Christian band.
How ridiculous to think that “God” was happy because I was listening to Tenth Avenue North instead of Pearl Jam. As if “god” didn’t know that I loved Pearl Jam. As if “god” was oblivious to my bootleg collection. Ah, the things we did for our little salvation points.
Yet, this is very much how my life as an evangelical Christian was, constantly living day-to-day judging myself in how I was measuring up to the expectations of the religion.
If I did a devotional in the morning on a Sunday, then that would cancel out that I didn’t go to church.
If I listened to a Joyce Meyer Sermon, then that would cancel out that I got drunk the night before.
If I evangelized at work then that would cancel out the fact that I was living with a boyfriend.
If I posted something religious, like a Bible verse on Facebook, then that would ensure everyone religious who saw it would pat me on the back for being one of them.
I could give many examples of this tit-for-tat, sanctimonious behavior, but what a relief to be free of it. What a blessing to be able to be yourself instead of performing for a “god” or the people that follow that “god”. Now, when I witness sanctimonious, Christian “pick-me” behavior online, I get angry. Yes, because it’s often fake, but mostly because people can’t be themselves, and I find that tragic.
I smile in gratitude and peace now at secular concerts that I attend. This past week I saw Pearl Jam in Chicago, and for me, it was a spiritual experience. The lyrics speak to me, they always have, because the music has deep meaning of life, love, death, celebration, and loss. The lyrics are real and true to the human experience and the message is authentic. I even get the tingles that many Christians get during their worship music.
Just look at this video below of thousands of people singing in unison, coming together to celebrate human art:
Secular music is demonized with cries of Satanic Panic because these religious leaders don’t want us to have similar spiritual experiences outside of the church. They don’t want us to figure out that music makes people feel the same way in or out of church. It’s not because of the holy spirit being exclusive to a church. It’s a common human experience in all cultures and all religions to be emotionally moved by music. Of course, the leaders don’t want us to figure that out.
High-demand religions also don’t want us to hear lyrics of secular music because it may cause us to see the world differently. The music might open up our minds to the experiences of other humans outside of the religion. The lyrics might cause us to start thinking critically, and so secular music is a threat to authoritarian religions that depend on people not asking questions.
Yet, one of my questions was always, “If god wanted us to love Christian music so much, then why is it horrible?”
And “why would god give these incredible talents to these evil workers of Satan?”
It’s all so silly. If there is a god, she digs PJ, and attends all the concerts, front row, for free, and sings every word.
Further reading about Satanic Panic: