Often, I have been asked where I have landed in deconstruction. Am I an atheist now? Progressive Christian? Secular Buddhist? Witch? Nothing?
The truth is, I have no idea.
If I had to choose a label, the most authentic term for my belief system is agnosticism. But what do I mean by agnosticism?
There is a common misunderstanding about agnosticism where people assume that agnostics are willing to consider the existence of their particular deity. This misconception can sometimes lead people to try and convert agnostics because they think that agnosticism means being open to religious ideas. However, I do not contemplate the existence of the evangelical god. I do not believe in that god any more than I believe in the Mormon god or the Jehovah's Witness god.
In my understanding, agnosticism entails having an open-minded and curious approach towards supernatural concepts, while also applying reason and logic. It involves acknowledging that I don't possess all the answers, and neither does anyone else. It's plausible that humans may never acquire all the answers, and only time will reveal the truth. Regrettably, humanity may not witness this discovery, as we may have passed on before then.
It's difficult for me to accept that I may never fully understand what is happening in the world around me. I have always been fixated on this question and have explored various religious and spiritual beliefs in search of answers. However, I have found many of these answers to be illogical and unsatisfying. As a result, my interest in different religions and traditions has become a lifelong pursuit.
Religion and spirituality are fascinating. I can easily find value in many belief traditions. Yet, I can easily find problems as well. Remaining open and curious has enriched my life in ways I would’ve never experienced if I remained certain that the religion I was raised in was the one true religion.
I’m thankful for my agnosticism.
It's difficult for me to comprehend how someone can be certain that their religion is the ultimate truth when there is no concrete evidence to support any religion. Asserting that one's religion is superior and that all others are doomed to failure appears to be an act of arrogance. While this baseless conviction may help individuals deal with life's trials, does it truly serve the greater good? Is it an expression of love and respect for people of diverse cultures and beliefs?
I do believe in some supernatural ideas due to anecdotal evidence. I’m also aware that my supernatural beliefs have no verifiable evidence and may not be true. I can accept that and can be honest about this. However, what if I went around stating that others were going to eternal hellfire unless they believed in what I did? People would call me insane, yet it’s perfectly acceptable coming from high-demand religions such as evangelical Christianity.
The world opened up to me when I realized that just because it is my religious experience, does not make it superior.
If only more would realize the same.
Where I was 5 years ago: